tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
