Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You are a genius and a whore.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
