It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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