i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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