it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
