sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
