This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
