I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
