I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
