she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize