Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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