i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
