So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
