We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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