Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
