her vagine was all disorganized.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
