Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
