Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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