It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
