Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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