Your tits are I can't wait for
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
