there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
