With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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