I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
