In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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