My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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