I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
