if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
