so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
