worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
