Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
