If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
