doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
