is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why is there bacon in the couch?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
