Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
