my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
