Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
