I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
