New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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