too bad you live with your parents still
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
