its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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