I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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