I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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