Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
