real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
