Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
