I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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