shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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