oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
