Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
