is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize