are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
