he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
