jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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