i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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