how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
