The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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