you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
