i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
