did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize