xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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