My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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